I’m sat here smiling my love, thinking about how much you have changed and grown in the last year and how wonderful and challenging and brilliant you’ve made our future.  From the time that we had the “OH SHIT” moment when we first found out that I was pregnant, to the morning sickness; the first fluttery feeling of you moving inside my tummy; when we found out that you were a boy and watching you move on the screen for the first time;  to the day you were born and wondering if the 3 minutes I spent holding you were all I was meant to get…you have shown me so many things in life that I never knew I was missing. The love I feel for you is beyond imagining.  I look at that brilliant little face and see flashes of your dad, of my brother, and sometimes even of my mother.  And yes, I certainly see my own eyes staring back at me at times.  You are a reflection of all that is good in the world and with your own personality thrown in the mix.  A brilliantly funny, stoically determined, and infinitely inquisitive kind of mind. You are an explorer…on a mission to learn everything you can in the time you have.  Your Daddy and I are your assistants, and sometimes your teachers…but I find that more and more you don’t need us for a lot of the things you have to do. I find you teaching us more than I would have ever thought possible. Thankfully you still like knowing that we’re here anyway.  It’s good you know how to make your old folks feel needed.  Thanks for that.

It’s been a year of wonder, of lots of advice; of lots of of idealistic parenting being thrown away for a few minutes in front of CeeBeebies and of trying to hold back and let you learn things on your own.  That’s a hard one, cause we want to make things as easy for you as possible.  You’ve started to show your frustration now by throwing little fits…but you’re always a reasonable kid in the long run, which I think it pretty amazing for your age.  Good going!

Since our last update you’re talking a lot more…you go through periods of not making any sense at all to saying phrases and words we readily understand.  You’re clearly experimenting hard with language and you’re loving it.  The sense of pride that shows on your face each time we understand correctly something you’ve said  is brilliant.  You’re saying Yes, (which you pronounce “Yish”) Hi, Hiya, Hello, EJ need YUMS!, Mmm Good, Help me, That, Bluebs (for blueberries…your father’s fault as that’s what he calls them) You’re also calling me Woebeeelia which is quite funny.

You’re still not walking…though I know you will in your own good time.  You still cruise a lot, and crawl around fast as you please with squeals of delight.  You’re into everything…though you still listen quite well for a one year old.  You have discovered how to open cabinet doors and the fridge at the new place…and I’ve caught you quite a few times trying to crawl into the washing machine.  You love getting into things.  You sometimes remind me of a cat….infinitely curious and will get into absolutely anything you think you might be able to fit into.

You’re finally growing some hair!  It’s growing fast in a strip right down the middle, so you look like you have a natural mohawk. The stuff that is growing out of the back of your head is kinky and fuzzy which leads me to believe that you will someday sport a tree on your head similar to your Papa Steve. Good luck with that! You’re getting taller and taller and still staying about the same in physique. We need to weigh and measure you soon to see how much you’ve grown.  You eat like an adult most of the time.  I’m amazing at the amount of food that you put away.  Faves are still blueberries, broccoli, pasta, cheese and curry.

Your Auntie Tess came in for her first visit to London and we had such a great time.  You showered her with kisses and hugs and were quite sad to see her go.  She helped us move from our flat in Catford to Muswell Hill.  It was a sad time for me as I laboured for you in that flat…my water broke in the bedroom and you spent your whole first year of life there.  I think you really miss it though you’re starting to get used to the new place.  In the Catford flat you could crawl the length of it in about 20 seconds…make a loop and come back.  I think you liked the bright front room, long hallway and the dark cave of a bedroom.  Here you have to be carried to get from the bedroom to the rooms downstairs.  I think you liked the independence you had at the old place.  I did too frankly.  It was nice to be able to go to the bathroom without having to take you with me!  You don’t like being left in the vast rooms here alone.  Sometimes you don’t realise that one of us is still in the room after either your father or I exit.  I’ve seen you experience the panic of thinking we’ve left you alone.  With the old place being so small, you could always hear where we were at any particular time, or come and investigate.  There’s something to be said for that.

It is nice to have loads more room here and not feeing surrounded by everything around you packed into a tiny space.  It’s also nice to have the things we don’t need at the moment in a place where don’t have to trip over them day and day out.  The amount of bruises on my shins have been almost eliminated by the move.  You also seem to hurt yourself less since we’ve been here.  Good news, for sure. You have been acting out quite a bit since we’ve moved and a few days you were biting and kicking and hitting, clearly lashing out for something.  I suppose it must have been the displacement.  You’ve always done well with travel and new situations…but then we’ve always moved on to something else within a few days and we came here and just stayed.  I think that was very confusing to you.  I’m sorry to have to do that to you baby…but you’ll move many more times in your life and each time will be a sense of loss graduating into a sense of wonder at the unknown experiences the future holds.  I still think that I will forever miss that little flat.  It was one of the best years of my life.  Well, it’s getting late little one and I expect you and your Dad back from your excursion fairly soon.  I thought it would be good to look back in pictures and see how you’ve changed and grown since you were born.  I hope to keep up on this blog in the coming months…but I feel good that I’ve been able to at least give you a record of your existence from conception till your first year and I hope that it will be something you can look back on and know how much you are loved and wanted and how every day with you is a gift.  Even the challenging days. You…are…loved.

From birth to one year in photos!